I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
