my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
