this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
