So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
