Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
