it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
