went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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