I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
