So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
