people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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