You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
