I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
