I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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