After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
