and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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