i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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