Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
