weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You need Xanax blowdarts
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
