areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
