her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
