Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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