just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When are your genitals available?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
