Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just found puke in my bra..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
