she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
