Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
