I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
