Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
