I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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