i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
