just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you win again, gameday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
