Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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