Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
