you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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