and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
