I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
