i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
