I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
