We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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