I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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