Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
