You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
