yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
