ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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