problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
