Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
