She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
