Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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