im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
