just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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