There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
