remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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