Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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