Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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