just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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