I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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